I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize