and she was petting her beer can
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
