I can tuck mytits in my pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
