i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
