I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
pop tarts are not kleenex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
