ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
