Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize