i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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