It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize