i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Say something about gay babies.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
