My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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