is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
