Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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