I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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