Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
