You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
