you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
