almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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