I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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