Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
