I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
In America we eat man semen.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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