That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize