oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
