i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
