very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
