The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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