then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
