my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
