Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
