We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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