lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
