Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
honey bunches of taint.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
