i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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