Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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