Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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