Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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