so that wasnt chicken after all
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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