Will you blow on my dice?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
