I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
