Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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