all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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