TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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