dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This is not my ceiling
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
