it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
