TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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