Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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