Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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