I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
