Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
