yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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