just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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