Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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