new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
