So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
