I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
