I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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