you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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