Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i drank out of a bidet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
