only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
