If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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