hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
