..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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