Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize