We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
